Category: Let's talk
The more time we spend online, the more people we encounter, the more we will come across people who pretend to be something they're not.
It's easy to invent a persona online. To be someone you're not, to have a life, hobbies, a husband, job, kids... etc that you perhaps don't have in rl, to make yourself more acceptable to those you want to befriend, perhaps througg inventing a lavish life that will make you more attractive to the friends you can't make in rl, or perhaps by inventing a hard time, tradgedy, illness, bereavement, in order to play on other peoples' vulnerabilities.
In internet terms it is known as trolling.
On another website I go on there are over 50000 members and there have been a few well-documented trolls. One who made up a story about being raped and having a baby as a result of that rape, she befriended someone who had been through sexual abuse, they met up and she turned out to be a fake. One pretended she was running away from an abusive relationship, people befriended her, sent her clothes for her children and some even sent her money. And one even faked her own death - got a "friend" to post that she had died. But it turned out that the death announcement was posted from her own IP address even though the friend said she was posting from work.
So... do you know who you're talking to? Are you sure the people you're talking to online, are who they say they are?
Most of the people I talk to online I have met in real life or are friends with people who know them in real life. So, I know most of the people I talk to are who they say they are, but I'm not sure about all of them. *Wonders who's been lying.*
I know some of the people I talk to, and I don't know others. I may get to know some of the people I talk to online, I may not.
I don't know why people like to spend hours making stuff up about themselves on the internet. It's usually bad stuff not nice positive happy stuff.
I can't always be expected to know who is genuine and who is fake when interacting online. I don't go online to audition for the Bill so I can't be bothered to work out who is real and who is fake.
are at a disadvantage as they have to put more thought into being somebody else than I have to put into being myself.
No. But it fun. Smile. I've met some nice people in person and they learned I was as I said I was, but their is a risk if you give to much personal info befor you meet them. There is still some risk after meeting them, so discression is a must period.
can't see why one must have a fake identity online. you can only be as fake as you are for the period of time, sooner or later, the bubble will be berst to nothing anyway.
it is the matter of how much information you want to share with others, as depends on how close you want to be with that person.
personally, i'm not comfortable to share my personal storries or issues with everybody or anybody, only the selected few unfortunate person will get my storry from head to tale, but that is what i'm comfortable with.
it is all come to the matter of being alert, and aware of who you talking to. i make some great friends here, but that is years of efferts, confidents, and certain amoun of faith involve.
This whole idea is humorously portrayed in a Brad Paisley song called, "Online." I love that song, and as funny as it is, it, and this post, raise some valid points.
Like others have said, usually the people I talk to online are friends of those I know in real life, so I figure it's fairly safe. Those I've never met, or have no mutual friends with, I'm a lot more careful how much I tell them and take the things they say with a grain of salt. Online friendships require caution, and you can get screwed over, but you can also meet some cool people.
I know of a woman who did the kind of things described in Post 1. She invented stories about how her husband was killed in 9/11, and even more outlandish things. So, when she posted that her sister had died, no one believed her. Unfortunately, it did turn out to be the truth, but because of all the fakeness and lies she'd told in the past, it took a long time for the truth to be uncovered.
Anyway, what it all boils down to is caution.
this is a very sensitive subject for me. I have seen this from both sides of the fence. Hope yooufind what I feel can assist.
my philosophy with anyone either online or in a personal friendship is trust but verify. I think the problem with a lot of folks is that in this world of instant everything they want immediate closeness. one way to get that is to reveal everything personal about themselves. then, when the person they told all this stuff too turns out to be a sneaky gossip, they are totally shocked. until i get to know a person, I don't tell them anything I wouldn't want my step mom or mother in law to know. That's pretty broad because my life is an open book.
As for lying about stuff, when I was a kid, I did that and got in serious trouble. I was at a school for the blind in I believe seccond grade. Modifated, I don't know if you remember this. My cousins in new york were and still are extremely wealthy materially. We were lower middle class. My aunt virginia used to send me my cousin cathleen's hand me downs. she was a year older. these items were from high end shops and boutiques. the house parents kept teasing me about being a little rich girl. it was embarrassing. so at the tender age of seven, I figured if they want me to be rich, I'll make up stories about my very average family. after hearing stuff which was obvious rubbish, what do little kids know about the lives of the well off especially if they are not, my house mother talked to my mom. then the shi** hit the fan. Eventually, after what seemed about a thousand hours of listening to "what did I do to raise a liar..." and "how could you embarrass our family..." I got the pleasure of standing up in front of the entire lower school admitting I was not what I seemed and asking for forgiveness for my errors. It took about a year before some people trusted me again, and probably some still do not. Truth and trust are precious gems beyond price. At the time, I don't recall what my dad did except to say that trust is more valuable then money in the bank and I was bankrupt. Since he was my hero that was the hardest hit of all.
So as you can see, what you see is what you get. Nothing good comes from lying.
I think you can do just as much damage in person as you can online. The online ones just seem to get more attention. I think that like in person, you need to be careful who you give your information to. That is why I personally don't put my Skype and messenger info in my profile. I understand that there are fewer ways to lie successfully in person, but it can still happen. You can invent problems for yourself and make them seem real. You can seem genuine and kind in person, and later turn out to be a real back-stabber. I think it really depends on the person.
yep exactly what I was thinking. it may be easier online to act out someone your really not. but it can be done in person too! so yeah, be careful who you give your info out to. but at the same time, you can't go living life second guessing everyone. you hear a lot of people later finding out there mate or best friend isn't at all what they thought they were. it's life. i woudln't give out my number or address to anyone i meet on the streets or at a shop for the first time or even first few times. so why do it online. Treat as you would in real life! I am a little hesitant as to who to trust in life, and I treat the net the same.
I guess some people just find it easier to lie to people online than they would in real life. You're not looking the person in the eye, so I suppose maybe that's a factor in how people can say whatever comes into their heads and not have to feel guilty about it.
for the people who make up things about being raped and other stuff like that, I bet they just want attention. If they're spending an excessive amount of time online, and using the necessary emotional energy to keep such a lie going, I would think they probably don't have much of a life outside of the online world they've created for themselves. They're probably lonely and lacking social skills. They feel that if they gain people's sympathy, then they're being validated. Sorry if I sound like a psychology textbook, but that's my opinion on the matter.
People could just as easily make up such details of their lives in person, to their own friends, acquaintences or family, but I think it would be harder to maintain for the simple fact that like I said, face to face communication is a lot more personal.
On the other side of that, I think even genuine people might feel less inhibited in an online setting, because they don't have the pressure of thinking about judgments someone they're close to might pass on them. That's why online support groups are becoming so popular, but also why people might share too much about themselves before really getting to know a person. It's a lot easier to write than it is to talk for some people, especially if they're shy, and that might break down a barrier for someone who's normally not very social.
That's why I like talking on the phone. I can here the tones, speech patterns, and communication styles. If I haven't spoken to you at least on the phone, you won't get much from me. I listen for a few qualities.
I don't know who I'm talking to online. For weeks I've thought somebody was a woman and found out this week he's a man.
these online liars do get caught in the end just like those who lie often in real life. it's the nature of the beast... they always tell outlandish stories either from the beginning, or later on because they have to outdo themself. Not all liars, but many, tell grand stories and lies which raise red flags... rather than smaller lies which would be more believable. So it is the grandness of a story and/or the frequency of the crazy unbelieveable stories that tend to be the tip off. As others have said, the best thing is to act with caution in developing online friendships just as one does in real life.
As others have said, the problem is that people can backstab and create fake identities in real life as well as online.
How much caution should we use when interacting online? I suppose we should always use caution to some degree in real-life or online, but at the same time too much caution online really bothers me. If someone's not willing to at least give their name, age (year of birth), and general location, I often feel like it's just not worth my time interacting with that person. Even in real-life we can observe and identify things about people when we meet them, where online the amount of information we gain from people is really up to them. If someone's so cautious online that they won't even give basic information about themselves, I'm probably not going to bother talking to them at all. Staying cautious works to our advantage, but we have to give a little, and we certainly have to give enough to get back If that's what we want.
Brice
That's why half of you have no clue about much, because I don't say too much to anyon about anything personal... And that's why I insist on talking to people on ZBP atleast once.
Regarding my previous post, the reason I didn't know is that I didn't ask. I just assumed. Sometimes we don't know because we think we know.
The problem with me is that I find it easier to open up to people online. I write long-winded board posts or tweet and write in lj things that I normally would have a hard time talking about in person. I tend to cry when I talk about something close to my heart and writing it out helps me get my thoughts together. I hate to cry in front of people. lol So when I tell or write about something personal and it gets twisted or spread around, I get burned from it but never seem to learn. I wish I could say that I can set everything I write to private and be done with it but I just can't. My soul just cries out to be listened to at times or something. So when I hear that someone said something about me because I just happened to write something oh so terrible during one of my off days, I feel stupidly hurt. And I know people won't always like me cause I don't always like them but when you confide in just anyone, things like this tend to happen. I sometimes feel like people have nothing better to do than be malicious and put people down just because they can. I'm not saying that I'm perfect either. I do say terrible things about people as well. I just wish I could just stop talking about things that are on my mind. I've regretted allowing people to follow me on twitter or read my lj because they make fun of the things I write or make spiteful remarks that are uncalled for. I wish I could be one of those people that easily lie about themselves online. I wish that I had the sense to shut up about everything. I really am a private person if you can believe it. I set everything to private and only allow a select few to really get to know me. But I still manage to get burned somehow. But when other people write about how blah their life is, I say nice things and leave comments to try to cheer them up. Is it so wrong to want the same from them? So liars, give me some tips! haha
This is good this has come up. It appears there are some on here who have written about being taken advantage of - on the Zone and other places ... so learning how to control your info does help.
As a male I always disclose my age / marital status so nothing can be read out of context, but many have good reason not to include their given name: that's why we have usernames online. That by no means indicates hiding something shady. I do find it very sad that people pray on the sympathies of others by falsely claiming to have had tragedy. I'd go so far as to say that is mocking those who really do suffer.
Especially if you're a minor, I think giving away exact location is a really bad idea; I always tell my daughter it's good to be cautious but never timid. You ought not be afraid but just careful. As I said, in light of some public quicknotes I've seen since I've been on vacation, I'm glad this has come up. I don't know how often you all deal with problems like that as I didn't do publics before - probably won't anymore once work starts ... but hopefully some who need this will get some ideas.
I like to voice chat with the people I'm really interested in getting to know, like others have said, and for the most part, it's worked out great for me, but I tend to be hesitant around the people who want to know everything about me right away. I don't mind the basics, but really getting to know someone takes time, and you have to be willing to move slowly, whether it's a friendship or otherwise. Friendships can end because of someone moving too fast just as often as romantic relationships can. The only thing I don't seem to understand is why giving out your phone number or otherwise to someone you've met in person is totally accepted, but doing the same after the same amount of time has elapsed when you're meeting someone online isn't, in a lot of cases. I mean, it is slightly riskier online, because someone can say they live in a nice house with a family while sitting in a room full of guns and explosives, but this can happen in person too, if you're accustom to spending time with someone in public, and you eventually see them in private. Nobody has to reveal their true personality to you until or unless they really want to.